Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Oh *bleep*!

Forgive me if I don't blog for a little while. We are currently moving house and only had a weeks notice of this arrgghh! Moved in with my parents in law for a short time and have to have our house clear by friday. Also other half started a new job in London last week and is now having to work away during the week.

As you can imgine the healthy eating has gone a bit haywire! I'm feeling it though I've had heartburn this week for the first time in months!!

My major problem is my father in law likes to cook rich unhealthy food and considering their putting us up and buying all our food for a minimal rent, I feel I can't really say anything just yet. My intention is to start changing things and offer to cook etc. I am determined not to put all the weight I've lost back on as I feel so much better these days! So to combat these rich evening meals I've cut right down on what I'm eating in the daytime. Hopefully I get get some kind of balance which doesn't result in a huge gain??

So basically everything is up in the air I can hardly think straight but am going to try my best to keep control. This is where it reallys shows me if I've actually changed my lifestyle or just been on a diet for the last few months. Make or break me thinks!!! Wish me luck cause I bloody need it!!

Friday, 16 July 2010


What a difference a week makes. This time last week it was all so easy, I was actually finding myself eating under my points with out even meaning to. I also found it so easy to avoid all the rubbish on offer at the bbq last weekend.

Why then am I finding it so hard this week. This is now my third day where I'm going to go over my points. I had chips from the chip shop for lunch followed by a cornetto ice cream. Along with all the other stuff I've eaten today I have 4 points left for the day! Its like I want to fail sometimes! I just don't know why I'm finding it so hard today I just want to eat and eat. Its not even that I'm craving rubbish food I'm craving the binge feeling.

I guess I am feeling rather depressed about this whole situation. Nothing has changed on the job front and its so hard to remain positive when nothing seems to be changing. I know it could take just one phone call and a contract will be arranged and started before I even know it but waiting for the shred of hope takes it out of me. I don't want to use this as an excuse to eat and go off the rails. I realise that I can't have control of most things at the moment but my weight and food is something I can keep control of. I also know it'll make feel better to feel like I'm achieving something not just letting everything go.

*Sigh* life is hard work at times isn't it! Oh well life goes on and the least I can do is not go mad for the rest of the day and get it back on track tomorrow for the rest of the week.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Weigh in

I lost 3lbs this week and very pleased with that. So 4lbs away from my next silver seven, 2lb away from being under 18st but better than that I have less than 100lbs to lose to get to goal! I know it still a huge amount to lose but its noticing the little things like this that spur me on.

I still can't get my head round the fact that I've lost over 3st. Maybe one day soon it'll click that I'm slimmer because right now I still feel like I weigh nearly 22st! However the life style changes we've made still shock me on a daily basis. I honestly can't get over how my relatonship with food has changed.

On the C25K front I managed day 2 of week 2 yesterday and, can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm loving it! I'm actually enjoying going out and doing exercise.

To another good week and hopefully another good loss :)

Saturday, 10 July 2010


I avoided my fil's attempts at sabotage. Today I was presented with a lunch of BBQ food of which I only had a limited choice what was put on my plate. I ate chicken, jacket potato, 1 sausage and loads of salad. I left another sausage and a burger with cheese. I was then given dessert, even though I wasn't asked if I wanted any, which was drowned in cream with ice cream and was a gateau of some variety. I ate about 2 spoonfuls made my excuses and left the rest (of what I ate I picked out as much of what appeared to be fruit and avoided the cake and cream!) So rather proud of my efforts to avoid said sabotage.

That might seem like I restricted myself but its not restriction if you don't enjoy the food! I don't even enjoy fatty burgers and sausages anymore it just makes me ill. The dessert I didn't even want because I was genuinely full and really resented not being given a choice in the matter.

C25k is going brilliantly. I managed to do day one of week two today so was really pleased with myself. i really wasn't sure when I started this that I was even going to be able to complete a session let alone have done week one successfully and moved onto week two. I'm also really shocked at how much I enjoy doing it. The sense of achievement is just amazing. I guess it shocks me because I was almost scared of exercise and had a belief that I'd never be one of these people who could enjoy exercise and possibly even become good at it. The thought of not only being slimmer but fit and healthy... well its more than I'd hoped for. Its always nice when you surprise yourself!

I'm so glad I have my motivation back and I'm going to take advantage of it while it lasts. Hoping for a good loss this week :D

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Much better than expected!

So as per my previous post I went to weigh in fully expecting a gain and... I lost a 1lb! Woohoo!

Maybe the exercise had something to do with it, maybe its because I really have changed my habits and excessive these days is nothing in comparison to before, maybe I was just a lucky so and so, who knows?!

However it means I've lost 3STONE!!!! I am so chuffed with that its unreal! I don't think I've ever successfully lost this much weight and in a reasonable amount of time. I truly believe I will do it this time!

No messing around this week full steam ahead to another loss!

Tuesday, 6 July 2010


I'm feeling rather proud of myself today.

I've been off track for about a week and a half now. I tried to pull it back this week but it just didn't happen. I very nearly got there on Sunday but had a meal out where it all just went wrong again. However the two reasons I'm proud of myself is a) I have tracked today and currently have 3 pts left b) I've done the first 2 days of couch to 5k this week.

It would have been so easy to wait until after weigh day before trying to get back on track but I'm fairly certain I'm going to gain tomorrow. A gain will do one of two things it'll either spur me on to try harder or I'll be really disappointed and have yet another bad week. So to avoid the very expected gain throwing me off track I thought if I get back on track for today and tomorrow I stand a much better chance of pulling it back.

I'm proud that my first huge blip lasting more than one or two days hasn't resulted in me completely giving up. For once I can actually see that we all make mistakes, the old eating habits are very easy to go back to and I've only failed if I give up and admit defeat!

Couch to 5k - what came over me on Sunday morning at 7am I do not know! I hadn't plan to start it or anything but having been woken up by our son I just decided his daddy could look after him and I'd go for a jog! (I don't think I've been able to say that I went for a 'jog' in years!) So by 8am on Sunday after digging out all my gym clothes I did the first day of C25K. I then did the second day this morning. I'm mega proud of myself, I've always loathed jogging and found reasons not to even attempt it. To be able to complete a session was such a shock to me and then to go on to do it again, well maybe I can get to the point where I can jog 5k??! Is this the path to self belief I wonder...??

So all in all a pants week food wise but some huge achievements which in the long run prove I CAN do this. I will probably gain this week but I really feel like in the long run this will only help my journey! Ever the optimist.... :D

Thursday, 1 July 2010


The back to basics week didn't go according to plan. In fact I had my worst week to date. Oddly I only gained half a pound but my eating was not good. I also didn't track most of the week which is the first time I've not tracked for so long. Not all my habits returned but it was the first week that wasn't just a blip but a slip back into some of my old eating patterns.

I've then found it difficult to motivate myself to get back on track. Its not with out reason (well excuses) we had some rather bad news this week regarding my other half and his job. Basically he now doesn't have a job and were considering our legal rights due to a breech of contract. All fun! So in about 3 weeks we will have run out of money.... hmmm not quite sure how were going to fix it all but I'll sure we'll get there.

I know its only an excuse because no matter what life throws at me I should try and keep control of at least my eating. I cried today because I just felt so out of control of everything and after watching that big meet bigger on BBC tonight I've decided its not on.

Getting back on track will be hard but the feeling of achievement and control out weighs how hard losing weight is. So no setting goals this week because that obviously doesn't work for me. Instead I'm just going to try my best to get myself back on track. At the end of the day I've still lost 41lbs how can I be sad about that. If I allow myself to think of myself as a failure and give up I'll put it all back on and feel 10 times worse.

So big kick up the butt for me and take it one meal at a time. Also start tracking again!!!

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

Back to basics

So I stayed the same at weigh in tonight. Despite my words of encouragement to my other half about the fact that he stayed the same I feel very disappointed! Its silly isn't it not more than 2hrs ago I was saying that its better than a gain and some weeks this just happens, it'll probably show up next week. Yet I still feel so annoyed by my stay the same! It wasn't helped by the fact that I am only 0.5lbs away from reaching my 3 stone loss. To add insult to injury the scales flicked up from 18st 4.5lbs to 18st 5lbs - grrrrr!!

So I've asked myself where could I improve to ensure I get a loss next week...

  1. Portion control - we bought a couple of tubs of ice cream and I feel that maybe I was a little bit to liberal with my portions sizes. So going to avoid the tubs and go for individually wrapped stuff this week
  2. Carson has dropped feeds and I'm still getting 5 points extra for breastfeeding. I'm not sure if I really need that much extra these days considering he only feeds 5 times a day. So I'm going to drop a point this week and see if that helps.
  3. Exercise - or the lack of. I did a long walk on Sunday but not much else the rest of the week. My best weeks were when I walked for at least 30mins a day. I'm also considering starting the couch to 5k that everyone of the weight watcher forums raves about. I really feel like I should be upping my activity levels.
  4. Sneaky extras when cooking, guesstimating and generally getting a tad complacent. So I'm going to, as my leader said, track, track and track some more! No more sneaky extras - I'm only lying to myself!
  5. I also had a blip on Sunday - So I'm going to aim to keep within points for the week as I finished the week slightly over my points allowance. I appreciate that sometimes this won't always go to plan but I can try.
Well I think that's plenty to be getting on with! Goodness me when its all written down like that it really does show me why I had a stay the same. I kind of deserved it to be honest! And as I said before at least it wasn't a gain.

So I'm off to have a positive, active, back to basics week and see what that brings for me this time next week! xx

Friday, 18 June 2010

Feeling good

I went shopping with my mum yesterday looking for page boy outfits for her wedding and various other wedding related stuff. We ended up in debenhams to buy shoes for her and saw that they were having a sale. I noticed that there were loads of Rocha John Rocha dresses in size 22 reduced so thought I'd have a sift through. Well I've only gone and got my dress for Mum's wedding 2 months before its needed... oops! It was just so pretty and my mum kept saying how it really suited me and made me look my age. Its so different to what I would have choosen before. Here's a photo...

I was on such a high afterwads because I tried about 10 dresses on all size 22 and they all fit comfortably! The one I got was actually the tightest of the lot so theres some room to lose more. Mum also said if its too big by the wedding she'll get it altered for me.

It was the first time I could actually tell I've lost weight. I think its because I haven't really bought any new clothes so all my old stuff is getting big but doesn't show that I'm slimmer. Who knows, I'm just over the moon to be this size now! I'm thinking another stone by Mum's wedding is within reach.

My Mum is fab she paid for me to have my hair cut as well so I came home yesterday feeling so good about myself. Another NSV was that usually when sat in the hairdressers I spend that whole time looking at how round my face was but I didn't yesterday. If anything I was noticing that my cheeks aren't looking as chubby and I'm sure my double chin has gone down too!

Basically feeling awesome now and so motivated to carry on!

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Weigh in

I'm pleased as I lost 2.5lbs and I really wasn't sure what this week would bring so more than happy with that. Its kind of annoying that I was 3lbs away from my silver seven so only half a pound! Anyway as my leader said it'll keep me motivated this week (well in theory).

So bring on the week! :D

Saturday, 12 June 2010


Who pressed the self destruct button ... oh right that'd be you then mother nature huh?

What is with hormones and monthly bloomin' cycles! As I've mentioned previously I suffer with an anxiety problem which was pretty bad before falling pregnant (panic attacks the works). Then I got pregnant and went on to breastfeed so no periods for over a year and guess what... I was so mellow, calm and coped really well. Now my monthly cycle is bad I'm back on the hormone roller coaster. Normal women get pmt I get pmt plus vivid thoughts of my loved ones meeting a horrible end in everyday situations, social anxiety, a fear of the future and end up feeling pretty depressed in general. *Sigh* Its getting rather annoying to be honest.

In my head I'm a rational person then a few days a month I go a tad loopy juice and end up in 'one of those moods'. This happened yesterday and I went into to self destruct with food which continued into today. I don't feel too bad as I know this is just a blip but I want it to end today and have a fresh start tomorrow. If I can do damage control maybe just maybe I can swing a small loss this week. Also a small victory was that before going a little bit mad I actually tried distraction techniques and managed to keep myself away from food for 2 hrs. So in the end I gave in but to actually be able to have a tiny amount of logic before just launching into a binge, well thats a victory in my book. Before it was eat first ask questions later.

The really annoying thing about this whole episode and the return of the anxiety is for the first time in a long time I'm Happy! So money isn't great and I have a long journey ahead of me regarding losing weight. Since having my son I couldn't be happier. Shaun and I are very much in love and I have my gorgeous son who makes me smile everyday. I really feel like I'm a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful little family. So why do these feelings keep popping up?! This is what I hate about having a mental illness a) people don't take you seriously and b) does it ever end?? Will I always have an anxiety problem?

So I think I need to get myself back down the Dr's and get myself on the waiting list for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) again. I was previously on the waiting list but just as I got an appointment come through we were moving house and so on true nhs form that means I have to start the whole process off again! I just can't stand the thought of going through this with no real end in sight.

Sorry for the long post and rather in depth personal life stuff, but it really does help get my head straight to just get it all down.

Wednesday, 9 June 2010


I'm feeling happy today which is nice. Finding out I'd lost 6 lbs this week very much helped! I'm now only 3lbs away from getting my sixth silver seven so 3 stone loss!

So of my aims I set last week I did loads of activity, planned what I was going to eat most days, tracked everything, I did go over my points at the weekend but most days I was within or close to my points and used less than half my activity points. So all in all very pleased that I seem to have got back in to the swing of things.

I'm going to try and do the same if not more this week. Hopefully I could get a 3lb loss next week but I'd be happy with any loss. I keep getting the warning on weight watchers that I'm losing too much weight and I should slow my weightloss. However I'm not too worried as I know full well I'm not going without or eating under my points I'm just exercising more and tracking so...? I certainly don't want to intentionally slow my weightloss and I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts knowing full well it will come to end to be replaced with 1lb-2lb losses.

I took Carson to an under 1's playgroup today which was interesting. He's not a very gentle baby and there was younger babies there who don't appreciate having their faces scratched and pulled. Hmm I'm thinking this is something we've got to work on, I spent the whole time worrying and following him. Oh well he's still my gorgeous little man and he doesn't mean it bless him.

Here's to another fab week!

Thursday, 3 June 2010

I forgot..

In my haze of bad days over the weekend I completely forgot to post about my discovery. I had a bit of spare time the other day while I was in the city so decided to see how far a size 22 dress was. Turns out not far at all considering they fit! I couldn't do the zip because I was on my own but they would have done all the way up. I was fairly chuffed to say the least. I also fit into size 24 trousers comfortably so even though I've had a pants week I still had a fantastic non scale victory. I'm not going to set the goal as completed for reaching size 22 as theres room for improvement and they may have done up but the looking good bit is still to come. Here's a picture:

Its just so fab as I was wanting to be in a size 22 by September for Mum's wedding and still have 3 months to go! Maybe a size 20 now?

So far on track today,have eaten loads of filling foods and already have my 2 activity points. Its a good feeling being back on track.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

Life's a journey not a destination

... and my path has veered off course slightly. I gained 1.5lbs this week, which I fully expected but is still disappointing. But life goes on and I'm going to get back to basics this week.

So I've been flicking through my weight watchers binder to try and figure out what could be doing differently. I've just gone through the section about filling foods and streching your points. I haven't been doing this lately, I think sometimes I get complacent because I have quite high points and end up ending alot of treat food instead of filling foods. I've decided to plan what I'm eating tomorrow and even though I'm at home I've packed up my lunch and snacks. I've planned in treats and left a few points spare. Just hoping it'll kick start me into tracking properly and stick to my points for a whole week.

This week I'm going to aim to do the following each day in an attempt to get my mojo back for more than just a week!

  1. Reach my healthy steps and earn at least 2 activity points a day
  2. Keep within or close to my points each day or for as many days as possible (trying not to set myself up to fail)
  3. Eat 3 portions of fruit and veg
  4. Have a filling breakfast everyday
  5. Drink plenty of water/squash
  6. Track everything even if I have gone over
  7. Write a blog each day to help keep the emotional eating at bay
I'm going to try and do as many of those things as possible and we'll see if t pays off next wednesday. I'm kind of hoping it to last for more than one week but going to think about it one day at a time. Wish me luck! :)

Thursday, 27 May 2010


I am sooooo tired today. My little man woke me up so much last night and I feel totally exhusted today. Its so frustrating because the first thing to go is my will power and I just end up wanting to comfort eat. Its not even hunger its that urge to just say f*ck it and eat what I want because I think it'll make me feel better. However despite this niggling feeling all day I am currently within points with plenty left for dinner.

Not sure how the rest of the evening will play out but hoping logic will prevail and the comfort urges will go away. I keep reminding myself about my weight loss to date and how I know full well I would regret a blow out. I might think at this moment that I just don't care, but I do and it would catch up with me! I'm mainly writing this blog just as a distraction from food, just anything to keep me within points today.

Might see if I can get a quick nap when other half gets home and leave him with the oh so grumpy baby for a bit. Anyway nobody said being a Mummy was easy and even when he keeps me up all night one smile and all is forgiven. Still its no excuse to eat rubbish! Seriously need to get that through my head!

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Woohoo! Weigh in...

I hit my 10% and a just a tad more, like a whole 4.5lbs! I was so pleased with that as I not only hit my 10% but I'm only half a pound away from my 5th silver seven. It was however very embarrassing when my leader gave me my 10% keyring in front of the whole class and they clapped!

Anyway onwards to another good week and fingers crossed for at least a half pound loss!

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Difficult day

So yesterday didn't go entirely to plan. I've been doing so well all week and yesterday night I ended up going over my points by a few! I haven't worked it out yet but I'm sure it was at least 10pts over. My weight watchers pedometer said I'd earnt 3 activity points but no where near enough to make up for it.

It was just a weird blip, I didn't go on a major binge I just found myself eating things even though a) I wasn't hungry and b) I didn't have the points. It kind of felt like I was doing it to rebel against having to count points, you know not having the ultimate freedom to eat what I want all day long. Logically I know points its such a flexible system that I can have a little of what I want and when I eat what I want all day long it tends to involve tons of rubbish which just make me put weight on. Grrrr its all just very annoying especially given that I've had such a fab week points and activity wise.

Ok so to make sure this stays as one blip and doesn't become an entire day... First I need to count what I had last night (which includes a kitkat chunky, why did I get that?? who knows) second thing is that I've had a brilliant week so if I beat myself up for one blip I'm just going to throw all my hard work away for no good reason. I mean we went for a three hour walk on Saturday which was a huge achievement for us as before we would have never even considered spending our weekend doing activity. I didn't have my pedometer at the time which was a shame but the online tracker worked out that I'd earnt 15 activity points, not sure how accurate that is but still!

Right its about naptime for Carson so going to use it as a chance to go out and do some walking. I'm going to try and walk for at least an hour and pull back a few of those points from yesterday!

Oh and I just worked out how much I was over by turns out it was 10.5 pts so not as bad as I'd thought and only 7.5pts with my activity points taken off.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Weigh in & Inspiration

I lost 1lb at weigh in this week and I was very pleased with that as really wasn't sure what to expect. I've really got to get my act together as I've been rather lucky to lose and my luck is going to run out if I don't get back on track.

So to remind myself why I'm doing this here's my reasons for loing weight and why I'm going to get to goal....

  • I want to be healthy
  • I want to be fitter
  • I want another baby and I don't want to be plus size and pregnant again. It was horrid being treated as high risk despite having a very straight forward pregnancy and labour
  • I want to be able to buy nice clothes and shop in 'normal' shops
  • I don't want to have to worry about being to big for turnstiles, seatbelts, chairs and so on...
  • I want to be able to keep up with my son when he starts running round
  • I want people to see me for me not just as the fat girl, I don't want to be judged before people even give me a chance
  • I want to buy a much smaller wedding dress and get married when I'm slim not plus size
  • I want to feel confident and not feel the need to hide behind my weight
  • I don't want my son to be embarrassed by me when he grows up and goes to school

I'm going to get to goal this time because...

  • I will not give up
  • I'm looking at this as a lifestyle change not just a 'diet
  • I've started making activity part of my daily life
  • I'm making the effort to understand when my weak moments are and trying to find ways to cope with them that doesn't involve emotional eating
  • Shaun is doing weight watchers with me which makes it easier to stay on track
  • I will not label myself as a failure because of one gain
  • I'm trying not to make excuses to eat and track my points all of the time
  • We've tried cooking new things and actually eat nicer food now than before we were doing weight watchers
  • My head is in the right place and I'm going to keep it that way - I will not lose my weightloss mojo!!
So there's a few of the main reasons for doing this and a few of the reasons why I will get to goal. I just needed to remind myself so I can get my motivation back as its been slowly slipping away. I really want to have a good week as I'm so close to some of my mini goals (half a pound from my 10% and only 3 lbs away from being 18 stone something!)

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Self sabotage!

Whats with that, why the week after getting my 4th silver seven do I have a couple of bad days and then one really appauling day where I was just out to sabotage myself. I had all the tools to make the right choices I was even reminding myself I'd regret it and that I'm a mere 1.5lbs away from my 10%.Yet we still ordered a takeaway for dinner which included a rather fat ridden burger and chips. Its just silly and I feel awful because I took Shaun down with me.

For the most part this week hasn't been a complete write off and I've still done alot of walking so really not sure what will happen at the scales tonight, just have to wait and see I guess. I keep reminding myself that I'm still in much better place than ever before because before I'd have just accpeted that 'its just the way I am' and continue as if nothing had happened. Whereas today I'm trying to get to the bottom of what encouraged the behaviour in the first place.

One theory of mine is that I'm a very black and white thinker, with anxiety it kinda comes with the territory. I'm so all or nothing at times, which can be great when I'm into something I really put as much effort into it as possible. However sometimes all my effort all at once on everything I see as important - well you get the picture it can't be done. I just can't accept this and I struggle to be happy unless I feel like I'm in control of everything. So instead I resign myself to failure give up completely and tell myself I'm worthless anyway so why do I care. Its a really horrid cycle to be in. I wish I could just break things down into more managable chunks and accept that one blip, whether it be in relation to weightloss, housework, Carson's routine etc, does not mean I am an epic failure and that I shouldn't bother in the first place.

Thats the annoying thing about this whole cycle when I'm feeling like the rational and reasonable person that I am I can see logically how silly I'm being but try telling me that when I'm feeling down and I've convinced myself its better to not try at all than to try and fail.

(Hmm that train of thought was rather interrupted as I have a baby trying to eat my foot. Honestly strange child I really don't know what his interest in feet and shoes is all about lol. )

Anyway I guess thats my main issue, not Carson eating my foot, but that I need to be able to see blips for what they are just a blip not a complete failure. Giving up on the things I want because I had one moment of weakness won't get me anywhere in life.

Goodness me I really do have issues. At least I'm trying to address them rather than just convince myself that when I'm slim life will be perfect and I'll feel all better. It doesn't work like that and I know it. So instead of just dealing with the symptom (my weight) I'm going to deal with the problems that got me here in the first place, or try to at least.

Sorry that was such a long post but it really does help just to get it all down on here. It reminds me that I do have some sanity and its really helping keep me focused on losing weight and not throwing the towel in just because I had a bad day. :)

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Weigh in!

Woohoo! I lost 4 lbs!! So pleased with myself as I've now got my 4th silver seven so 2 stone gone! I'm only 1.5lbs away from my 10% so aiming for that next week. Food wise I've had a couple of iffy days this week but did a ton of walking so it just proves the activity pays off - but I wasn't sure what to expect so a really lovely result.

Not feeling too good today due to a sore throat and headache. I'm rather limited on what I can take as well because of breastfeeding so decided on honey and lemon in hot water which was a worthwhile use of points and really helped. Hoping I'll feel better tomorrow I'm getting annoyed with these colds. Also hoping I don't completely lose my voice again as it feels very similar.

I'm totally loving ebay! I've made £47 just from selling some of my old clothes, some baby clothes that are too small for Carson and some clutter that was just laying around. We've then invested some back into getting 2 charms for my bracelet (one for reaching the 2 stone mark and a silver one that has 10-20 days shipping so hoping I'll have my 10% by then) and the first two seasons of x files. So all good!

Monday, 10 May 2010


I found a lovely place in our village to walk today. My Mum mentioned a few weeks ago that there's a path that runs alongside the minature railway that runs from a nearby town to a town a few miles away. So I went to check it out this morning with the intention of going for a 30 min to an hour walk, but ended up walking for 2 hours lol! I'm so impressed with this find the path runs for miles and because I need something pram friendly its great as its flat all the way of course. I'm lucky we have an awesome pram, a stroller wouldn't handle it. So according to my tracker based on my weight I earnt 10.5 activity points and my pedometer racked up 12,000 steps!
Not sure I'd manage to walk that amount everyday but at least I have a nice quiet place to walk with no traffic, apart from the odd minature steam train (they are so cute!).
This week has been going well apart from a small jaffa cake related blip last night. I seem to have pulled most of the points back and hoping to save another 3pts tomo as well you know just in case.

On Saturday we went to a baby rave that was part of the NN Festival. It was awesome and Carson loved it. He made a couple of baby friends, well he sat near them and tried to grab their faces but same thing really. Here's some photos...

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Weigh in result

Not so good this week I gained a pound. I'm not too worried though as its spurred me on to be positive again. I was actually quite pleased it was only a pound and not more.

I'm just gald I'm feeling motivated again today so hoping for a good week. Its great when I get a surge of motivation because it extends into my whole life. We went for a long walk yesterday night and tonight, I also did a load of spring cleaning today. I must remember how great it makes me feel, I actually end up with more energy and motivation than when I sit around.

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Another blah day and I've discovered ebay!

So lets crack on with the weight watchers business first....

I have been rubbish again today! I know I know I said I was going to track today but it just didn't happen. Now which excuse do you want first....? No seriously we had an awful nights sleep as my little man decided he was going to wake up ALOT! I felt like a human dummy last night and I'm suprised I have any milk left and that I don't look like some kind of prune (if you haven't read my other posts I breastfeed my baby boy). I'm just hoping its teething related and will soon pass.

Not to be put off I'm going to start afresh tomorrow as its a new week according the online tracker and I'm going to get my weight loss mojo back. As I said yesterday this is the point where in the past I would have messed about for a few weeks and eventually given up. Learning from the past I know to expect a gain tomorrow but instead of being put off I should use the disappointment to fuel a great week that will spur me on.

Ebay! I have discovered selling on ebay - I've listed 10 items today in an attempt to have a spring clean of our clutter. I got very excited when I looked and have 4 people watching some of my items lol! I haven't even got a bid yet but its still quite fun to see how much interest you have. I've got soooo much clutter I'm hoping to make a tidy bit of profit :)

P.s If anyone is interested my username on ebay is Rock_lobster87 and I'm selling a few size 24/26 bits and some baby boy clothes ranging to 6 months. I know its an appauling plug but hey this is my blog and I will do as I please :D

Monday, 3 May 2010

Rubbish day

In all respects really, except who I spent it with! We decided as its a bank holiday we'd go out somewhere as a family. Well I haven't been to Cambridge in years and considering its only an hour down the road we went there. Pfftt what a waste of time and money! I offically don't like Cambridge. Now I expected the traffic cause the road system in Cambridge is notorious but it was an all round pants day out.

It was about lunchtime and we hunted round we somewhere to eat and decided on Tapas (mainly cause we couldn't see many other places) well talk about overpriced and not good on points either. We ended up spending 2hrs in Cambridge, came home and went into Norwich city centre instead! I have never been more glad to see Norwich and appreciate the roads and tons of choice when it comes to places to eat and shop! I think were spoilt with our city so its always a disappointment when we go new places. Oh well we tried next time we'll stay closer to home!

My points are shot to pieces today due to lunch and a trip to tesco's resulting in a mini tub of Ben & Jerry's and half a bar of green & blacks. Now I'm going to do the awful thing of saying 'lets draw a line under it and move on' hahahaha - goodness I know how people hate that but blah! The thing is I thought about trying to save some tomorrow and do a load of walking but I know it won't work for me. If I try and save a load of points I will just end up carrying this binge on into tomorrow as well. So I have a choice... try and claw back points or admit I made a mistake and I'm better off just sticking to my daily allowence. I'm really looking foward to starting a new week on track - my motivaton has slipped the last two weeks and I've struggled. This is the point in my journey where in the past I have given up so if I can get through it and go on to have many more losses I'm already more successfull than I have ever been before on the weight loss front. So onward I go maybe not always the most direct route but as long as I'm heading in the right direction I'm happy. Wondering what the result will be this week loss, gain or sts???

Saturday, 1 May 2010

Wedding dress

I went wedding dress shopping with my Mum today for her wedding in September. She got a beautiful dress, not conventional at all but as this is her second wedding there's no need for her to wear a very bridal type dress. Made me kind of sad actually that'll I'll never wear my wedding dress.

Our wedding was planned a couple of years ago but due to finances it fell through. So I have all the stuff the dress, bridesmaid dresses, the rings, shoes, tiara and so on. However I got my dress when I was over 20stone and at this rate there's no way it'll fit. It can be taken in by 3 sizes but were not going to have the money for a wedding for a few years yet. In all honestly I'll probably have another baby before we get married now. Anyway back to the point, my dress is stunning I feel amazing when I put it on and it makes me sad that I probably won't be wearing it because I'll have lost too much weight for it (hopefully at goal for my wedding). How silly is that I'm sad that'll I'll have lost loads of weight!

I keep reminding myself that there are tons of dress shops and I can try on loads of dresses. There's not just one dress out there for me right? And lets face it I'd rather be slim than wear my dress. At least then I'll always look back at the photos and think how great I looked and not be sad because I was a fat bride!

On a general note: I don't know whats been up with me this week my mood has been all over the place. I was throughly depressed yesterday. I hate those moods they last all day and when people ask me whats wrong I honestly don't have an answer. I'm hoping its just a one off cause I like being happy most of the time, it makes a nice change for me.

Weight watchers wise I've been fine this week just need to get a bit more activity this weekend and watch out for my parents in law (to be) tomorrow as were going round their house again. They've said were ordering a chinese so mushroom chow mein and pineapple chicken for me! Ha I will stay within my points!

Bring on a 2lb loss please please please I reeeeeeeeally want my 4 th silver seven!!

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Weigh in again

It always feels like a long wait until the next weigh in, but then it comes round so quick. I'm happy to report I lost a lb which I'm very happy about considering the last two days!

Since the bbq on Sunday I have just had so little motivation and felt under the weather so have struggled so much. I gave in yesterday and had a bit of a blow out, this behaviour then continued into today despite planning ahead. I'm going to make sure it stops today and work hard this week to ensure it doesn't catch up with me on the scales next week.

I'm now only 2lbs away from my next silver seven which will take my total weight loss to 2 stone so keeping that in mind I'm going to work my butt off this week!

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Grrr BBQ's and 7.

We were invited over to my in laws (to be) today for a bbq. We spoke to them on friday and they reassured us that they'd have chicken and some weight watchers friendly foods. However due to the weather we had an inside bbq. This meant that instead of being grilled chicken my father in law decided to fry the chicken! Grrrr!! Then there was only sausages and burgers - you could say well why didn't I just say no but we didn't have a choice what went on our plate. Also they get kind of offended if we don't eat their food - we'd even offered to bring our own! It all just sounds like excuses now I write it down. Ah well its a place where I'm going to have to watch my points in the future. I still didn't go mad and I'm over for the day by 11 points, however I had 5.5 activity points so according to my tracker I'm only over by 5.5. To help make it up a bit I'm going to save a few from the next two days before weigh in and hope it doesn't affect my weight loss too much. Not holding out much hope for 3lb loss this week.

Still this is an improvment from my attitude before as if I'd gone over my points I would have just said sod it and had a really big blow out. There would have been no tracking either but I found tracking it help control the damage, so all in all a good learning experience. Anyway on to point number 7.

7. Find your strength and play to it

The bits I like:

The bottom half of my legs
My bum
I like my hair (but need to pay it a little more attention)
My boobs aren't too bad either

I am starting to pay more attention to myself and play to my strengths. For instance I wore my straight leg jeans today with my gorgeous boots. The outfit shows off my legs and I wore a longer top to cover my tummy and top of my legs. I felt really confident today and haven't worn these jeans since before I was pregnant but they fit again yay!

As I lose more weight and I can shop in 'normal' shops again I'm going to start doing this more. It seems that I can already pick out my positive features now I just need to learn how to emphasise (sp?) the good bits and play down the wobbly bits!

(p.s. please excuse any spelling mistakes typos etc I'm shattered tonight as we've had a really busy weekend.)

Friday, 23 April 2010

Ah my baby is growing up

He crawled for the first time tonight! I'm so proud of him and thinking we really need to get a baby gate tomorrow! He's 6 months old and I honestly thought it'd be a bit longer before he crawled. Ah he's growing up before I know it he'll be walking :D

6. Laugh in the face of celebrity magazines

Muhahahahahaha hehehehehe losers!!

Done and done! I honestly think celebrity magazines are a big load of rubbish. A complete waste of money and time. The women are all airbrushed, the men tend to be the ones who are so vein and live at the gym looking at themselves in the mirror constantly. Basically I'm not interested in what so and so is doing or what they are eating or what they are buying. Thats my only bug bear about this book is the constant references to what the celebs are doing.

So I can honestly say I am not one of those women who longs to look like a certain 'perfect' celeb. I actually do want my body I just want it to be slimmer - me and my body agree this would be best for both of us.

Once again I've struggled today. I've used my points for today but I'm craving a weight watchers dessert which would put me 3 points over again! I really need to try and have jelly rather than anything with points. So going to try and stay away from the kitchen, I know I'll feel better for it if I do. On the other hand if that dessert happens to slip into my hand and I discover the bottom of the pot I'm not going to feel to bad about it. I'd rather go over by 3 than go over by 30. Its been one of those days where I could have quite happily had a major binge. I'm hoping its just because Carson is having a growth spurt.

We did have a gorgeous shish chicken kebab for dinner and I was completely shocked to find it was only 4 points! How amazing is that - I then had chips with it but still within my points.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

5. Use your brain not your fork

"The human mind is alot like the human child. Tell it not to do something and it want it more than any other little thing on the face of the earth."

Basically deprivation will only encourage rebellion and ultimately going back to the old eating habits. I don't need to talk about this one too much as I can honestly say I am allowing myself the foods I like in moderation. Since being back at weight watchers I have had several chinese takeaways, cheese, chocolate (usually a curly wurly), chips when we went to the beach, a Mr whippy ice cream and so on. In fact I discovered green and blacks milk and white chocolate the other day. I also realised I can buy a larger bar and eat it over several days, not in one sitting.

This isn't something I've ever done when doing weight watchers in the past. Previously I would always try and change my diet right from the off to the ultimate in healthy. I would feel guily for eating any 'bad' food but this time I'm just accepting that the overall change is for the better. Eventually I want to be eating a well balanced diet but for the time being I'm happy with positive changes and I will not deprive myself. Seems to be working so can't complain.

Ha after saying all that I'm going to start talking about how the last few days I've been struggling to stay within my points. It did however twig today that I think Carson is having his 6 month growth spurt. He's feeding so much and I've been feeling pretty exhusted. I remembered not to beat myself up to much as if he's feeding alot I'm having to make more milk and so I'm likely to be hungrier than usual. Also when I say struggling I mean I've gone over by between 1-3 points the last couple of days. This is easily fixed though and there's plenty of time between now and weigh in so I'm not worried.

Weigh in!

I lost 2lbs! I'm pleased with this and now only 3lbs away from the 2 stone mark and have lost 25lbs overall, yay! I'm really going to buckle down this week and try not to use my activity points. I would love a 3lb loss next week but would be happy with any loss. I guess theres no harm in trying for the 3lb though, even if I don't get there next week its still good to get back to basics and check that my foundations are strong.

So this week plenty of exercise, weigh and measure everything, no guessing. I'm going to try and eat more fruit and veg as well.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Having a picky day & 4. Stop worshipping thin...

... and love the skin your in.
"Its hardly a revelation to note that as a society we are obsessed to the point of distraction by thin - associating it, as a recent survey found, with success. By the tender age of 6 , most girls are dissatisfied with their bodies and want to be thinner..."
The starting paragraph of this section and it couldn't be more true. I remember feeling fat in primary school at around the age of 5 or 6. Since then I have always felt fat and high school only encouraged this belief. I mean don't get me wrong I was never a stick but there was a time in my early teens when I wore a size 10 (and thought I was huge!). I guess I had a growth spurt early and so was quite tall in primary school, I then levelled out to be a respectable 5ft 7 and instead I became obsessed about my weight growing larger outwards every year. By the time I left high school I was nearing 15stone.
I first joined weight watchers when I was only 15 and it was no where near the first diet I'd been on. I remember taking slim fast cans to school for lunch when I was what 13/14years old. Now I look back and feel like such a fool. To be a size 18 again would be wonderful, I look back on photos from college and school with envy. My prom photos I looked fantastic but didn't really believe it at the time (me at my college prom 17yrs old).
So what I'm going to remember is that I'm doing something about it now and I don't ever want to be any bigger. However instead of beating myself up about how big I've let myself get I should appreciate who I am now. I don't want to be looking back in 5-10yrs thinking I wish I was a size 24 now. I'm going to make sure that doesn;t happen but I think one of things to help that is to appreciate what I have right now.

I can still move around fine, I'm actually not too unfit for my size, I did my gold duke of edinburgh award when I weighed 15stone and it was hard but no one thought I would cope with all the walking and I did, now just to prove everyone wrong regarding losing weight (including myself) . I can do it and I am not worthless. I do like parts of my body, for instance I'm rather fond of my bottom and my legs are nice too, so no more hating!
Well that all looks good on paper/screen lets see if I can actually start believing it!

Anyway onto today, its weigh in tonight and I'm looking forward to it. For some reason though I'm having a really picky day. I'm still within points at the moment and have enough left for dinner but no more snacks. I normally leave around 12points for the evening but today I've only got 6.5points left. Not sure whats wrong with me but need to make sure this doesn't become a full on binge! So I'm putting a stop to it now - if I got 1-2 points over in order to have a snack thats fine but no going mad. I know I'll feel better for sticking as close to my points as possible and if I binge I'll only regret it. Hoping blogging will nip this snacking in the bud!

Oh and here's a few more school days photos to remind me what I had and never appreciated and what I can have again one day soon!

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

3. Open your eyes and recognize your worth

This point is about recognizing who you are and about accepting that we only get one body so may as well learn to live it, even come to love it. Starting with actually taking a chance a look at my body in its full glory - oh no that means naked (don't worry I won't be sharing this lol). I usually avoid looking at myself in the mirror for too long. However I guess the road to acceptance starts today not from when I hit the magic number on the scales and I'm declared slim.
So later today I'm going to take a few minutes to look at what I look like now rather than just dreaming of the day when it all looks different. There are parts of my body I like and I'm not completely terrified of the mirror so should be a positive experience.

On other notes, its been a difficult couple of days as Shaun has had to be in work mega early meaning I've had to be awake at just gone 4am to drive him to work for 6. Its meant that the last two days have been so long. Longer days means more time to eat! So I've struggled to stay within my points. Luckily I've done loads of walking this week so stacked up a fair few activity points and I didn't use all my points so had a few in reserve. I only went over by 2.5points yesterday and because of what I had saved and activity I didn't really go over at all. Today has been the same but should manage to stay within my points. I'm quite pleased with this and hope that it proves that even on the long days when I'm shattered I can still do it. Normal service is to return tomorrow so providing Carson doesn't wake up at 4 I should get a tad more sleep tonight, yay!

I have also re-discovered no added sugar jelly - a whole 0 points and with a 1/2 point vanilla yoghurt its just a lovely snack. I must discover more things like this to help with the difficult times.

Anyway I guess that about sums up the last 2 days - Weigh in tomorrow and fingers crossed for another good result.

Monday, 19 April 2010

2. Believe that you are beautiful

This is harder said than done when I'm surrounded by a world telling me fat is ugly and thin is gorgeous. Being told I have a pretty face and I carry it well - hmmm doesn't fill me with confidence.

I think this is something I'm going to have to learn over time. For the most part I don't even like myself, let alone love myself and believe I'm beautiful. I know Shaun thinks I am and doesn't uderstand why I have such a deep self loathing. This self loathing and feeling of worthlessness led me to have quite severe anxiety. Before I feel pregnant with Carson I was an anxious wreck to the point I couldn't face leaving the house some days and had panic attacks. Being pregnant put things in perspective and really help mellow me out a bit.

Since having Carson and getting my cycle back I've noticed some anxious thoughts creeping back in but no where near as bad as before. The worst bit is the constant thoughts about death and losing the people I love. I have vivid thoughts of Carson being hurt, or worse, on a daily basis. I've learnt to dismiss them but some of the thoughts can be very upsetting. Its funny how thinking about this point has led me onto my anxiety problem but I guess the two come hand in hand. Like I say this is something I'm going to have to work on but it has been nice to think about how much life has improved and how much better my anxiety is these days. Life is good at the moment and I can actually say I'm very happy. So we still have money problems and my weight and self image needs to improve, but for the most part I am a happy bunny.

Ah its nice to remember the good things in life! :)

Sunday, 18 April 2010

101 things to do before you diet

This is the book I'm reading, I bought it ages ago and its sat on my shelf waiting for me to read it. Well I had a spare 5 minutes and picked it up. I'm finding it quite interesting actually, the writer talks about how we need to accept ourselves before we can begin lose weight and how losing weight isn't the magic fix to all of our problems. She also talks about how faddy 'diets' are a waste of time and actually probably make us fatter in the long run. She also asks you to think about yourself and make changes in your life which will encourage confidence and in time help us lose weight too. So I'm going to take each point and write a post about it and how it relates to me. I really want to make this weight loss a lifelong change and change my perception of myself.

1. Don't read diet books

This is so true. Why do we waste money on the next quick fix diet book in the first place? I personally don't see weight watchers as a faddy diet. It has encouraged me to change the habits that led me to where I am today (goodness me I sound like I'm part of the advertisment compaign).
In the past I've bought so many books promising me the pounds would drop of off if I eat in certain way, cut of carbs, detox, click my heels together three times and think of being slim, well anyway you get the point basically a load of old rubbish. I do wonder how much money I've wasted on these faddy books?
I'm going to make a promise to myself today that I will never again waste my money on ridiculous diet books promising me the world for just a few of my hard earned £'s. I'm going to remember that trusted old weight watchers will see me through the difficult times and despite the amount of times I've rejoined I know I can be successful if I make proper changes. One step forward at a time (and probably a few backward and side ones too) and I WILL get to goal!

Right only another 100 points to go! I'm aiming to maybe write about one each day and hope that'll it'll keep me focused and give me something to think about other than just the number on the scales. I wonder how much I will have changed in a 100 days time?!

Saturday, 17 April 2010

Chicken Satay

Was a success! I mentioned it in my previous blog. Well I just cooked it and it was lovely for those people who like a peanut sauce. Not the lowest receipe ever but we have the points so a really nice alternative. It works out at 9.5 points each but that includes rice and the recipe serves 5.

This is what I used:


1 medium Pepper, red
4 portion spring onions
60 g beansprouts
500 g Chicken, breast, grilled without skin, meat only

2 tablespoon soy sauce

1 teaspoon grated ginger root

1 cube Oxo Chicken Cubes (110ml stock)

140 g Asda Reduced Fat Smooth Peanut Butter

150 g Amoy Straight to Wok Medium Noodles
375 g dried rice

Its all quiet...

... in my house at the moment. Shaun is asleep cause he's got a migraine and Carson is currently napping. Don't really know what to do with myself when I'm not in Mummy mode so here I am thinking about if I've got anything interesting to blog about.

Still feeling very motivated about losing weight and have so far been swimming today and been for a half an hour walk. I'm really enjoying being more active it makes me feel like doing other things like, believe it or not, housework! I actually went on a mad clear out in the kitchen on Thursday and all my cupboards are now organised. We then went food shopping yesterday and filled them with lots of lovely weight watchers friendly food, yum!

I'm going to have a go at making a satay chicken tonight in a peanut sauce as Shaun is rather fond of the one from the chinese. We even went to Asda especially to get a reduced fat peanut butter - yeah check us out! To be fair asda is pretty much next door to our gym so didn't really have to go out of our way much.

On a non weight loss related point - I'm considering deleting my facebook account. I find myself popping on there most days and for the most part it just annoys me. I enjoy using it as a way of sharing my photo's of Carson with family and thats about it. One person is annoying more than others and I end up getting wound up about their status changes. I just feel like I'm not really getting anything out of it but while I have an account I'll be drawn to going on there. I dunno - its one of those things where I might end up offending people if I delete my account... so something to ponder I guess. Thats why I haven't shared this blog with any of my friends and family its a nice place to let off steam and say whatever I like without the worry of stepping on anyones toes (and trust me you'd know if I'd stepped on your toes hehe!).

Anyway it looks like Carson might be waking up so back into to Mummy mode I go!

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Weigh in!

I lost 3 lbs this week and got my 3rd silver seven! I'm very pleased with that. I've now set my next mini target of getting my next silver seven which is 5lbs away, then I'm going to aim for my 10% which is only another 2.5lbs and then getting in the 18's! So 3 small targets to look forward to in the near future.

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Feeling run down

Not feeling my best at the moment I have a cold and have pretty much lost my voice (shaun's enjoying the peace and quiet!). Its also my TOTM which is annoying as due to breastfeeding it was about 9 weeks after my last one grrr. Also I'm breastfeeding my little monkey every 2-3hrs day and night. Oh yeah and doing weight watchers arrggghhh! Its all a little overwhelming for my poor body and I'm feeling the strain. Carson is still teething as well and so not getting a huge amount of sleep.

This has kind of led me on to another body related point which is worrying me. I recently got told I have gallstones following several months of on and off stomach pain after having Carson. They are only small gallstones and the pain has not bothered me in a couple of months but they sent me for a blood test to check my liver function. Well I got a letter last week telling me I have a high level of an enzyme in my blood suggesting my liver function is raised. This usually happens when you drink alcohol but I haven't drunk any due to the breastfeeding so I have to go back for another blood test. I'll then have discuss if any further treatment is needed, so might need my gallbladder removed. How appauling is that I'm only 22 years old and may have to have my gall bladder removed!! I keep reminding myself that pregnancy increases the risk of gallstones but can't help thinking my fatty food past hasn't exactly helped! It all adds to my reasons for doing this and why I won't give up.

I know that is just the biggest moan ever but feeling a tad better for it! Despite all this I've stuck to my points and just used a couple of activity points to help stop a major binge. In the past I would have used being ill as an excuse to eat, well to be honest I would have used most things as an excuse to eat. Instead I've just had a curly wurly the last two days as my comfort food and made us mash potato with dinner - both things helped with the food comfort. I think with that list of why I'm being a big old whinge bag proves to me that I really can keep control even at the low points. So actually quite a nice positive out of all my moaning.

Thanks for reading my rather long post. I've got to say this blogging thing isn't bad - it really helps me focus on changing my mindset not just going on a 'diet' to come off the diet. So all in all still feeling motivated and looking forward to weigh in tomorrow night - bring on the scales!

Sunday, 11 April 2010

Gateau - No thanks!

Yes you have read the title correctly I actually turned down the offer of a black forest gateau today! We popped round to see Shaun's folks today and despite deciding on the phone the other day that we would eat lunch before going over Shaun's dad had made Coq au van and had gateau for dessert. We'd already eaten a nice filling lunch of pasta and so turned down their offer of an early dinner. Doesn't sound like much of an achievement right, but for me that's a big deal I've always had a problem when it came to turning food down. When we got home I cooked a very nice meal and felt much better about keeping control of what I ate.

I think thats where most of my weight problems come for I have this perfectionist tendancy and hate to feel out of control. I'm 100% or nothing, so either eating everything in site or keeping complete control over what I eating. Its not fun when things are so black and white. I think thats what I'm realising this time, its not just a 'diet' and one bad day does not mean I have failed.

I'm also quite pleased that I haven't turned to food for comfort despite being fairly sleep deprived the last few days, having a sore throat and generally feeling under the weather today. Carson is teething as well, he now has two front teeth that I can feel poking through his gums and he's very grumpy. Hoping he's going to be a bit happier tomorrow and sleep a tad better tonight.

Friday, 9 April 2010

Babies, weightloss and sleepless nights

This blog is mostly a place to share my weightloss ramblings, however this morning I feel the need to blog about my baby boy Carson.

I've been co-sleeping with Carson but feel its time he slept in his own space, being woken up because he wants to feed every half an hour is just not on! Co-sleeping came about after 2 weeks of no sleep and accidently falling asleep on the sofa with Carson when he was a newborn, at this point I realised we needed a new solution as the sofa is a very dangerous place for a small baby. He was never one of those babies that was happy to sleep in his moses basket or his cot, from day 1 he has only ever been happy sleeping on/or with me and Shaun. However we had an incident a few weeks ago when Carson decided to stop breathing and since then I've felt alot happier with him in his cot with the breathing monitor rather than sleeping next to me. I worry so much that he'll stop breathing in the night and I won't realise!

Carson spent his first full night in his cot last night, thanks mostly to his Daddy who got up alot during the night to settle him. This morning I'm feeling very pleased with Carson and rather guilty as we were meant to be sharing the task and I for various reason's seem to have done alot less than half the work. I'd like to add this isn't entirely due to me being a lazy moo but still feeling mighty guilty. Oh well hopefully I'm making up to Shaun a little as I've brought Carson downstairs to let him get some sleep.

I love my baby boy more than anything but I have to say no matter how hard people tell you having a baby is you never believe them. I found it alot like my perception of learning drive, I know this sounds odd but bear with me. Before I had my first lesson I thought well so many people drive how hard can it be. Then I get in the car for my lesson and he starts explaining how I'm supposed to be doing about 5 things at once, 6 months later I pass my test first time and 5 years later I drive without thinking and can't imgine life without my car. This is exactly how I felt about having a baby, how hard can it be? Well trust me alot harder than you'd ever believe, trying to juggle normal life and a baby seems impossible sometimes. Despite this I still feel its time to get rid of this weight once and for all. So on to weightloss matters....

In 3 days I have earnt 8 activity points and I'm feeling rather pleased about that. I've been walking, gone back to the gym for the first time since before I was pregnant and done an exercise dvd! The gym wasn't as bad as I was expecting, before I fell pregnant I'd managed to jog for 5 minutes on the treadmill. Well yesterday I jogged for 3 minutes out of 10, doesn't sound much right but to me thats huge. Jogging and me have just never seen eye to eye but I think its one of the best ways of improving my fitness level. Hoping I can do at least 3 minutes or more next time. I have creche time booked for Tuesday and Friday morning and shock shock horror I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the gym.

I'm loving the new me - being a Mummy, feeling motivated and enjoying life. It feels a world away from the person I was before I had Carson. I was an anxious wreck who felt out of control of my life and generally worthless. Now I remember that I'm not worthless Shaun, Carson and my family love me and now I just need to learn to love me too!

Thursday, 8 April 2010


So I went to the gym this morning with the obvious aim of working out, however I hadn't booked any creche time and it was packed. So no gym for me, boo! I got home all dressed in my gym gear and feeling like I wanted to exercise (a strange new feeling, seriously what have they done with the real me!). I remembered that I had two fitness dvds' so broke out the Rosemary Conley Salsacise.

Curtains firmly shut (I'm not sure the neighbours would appreciate my hip wiggling) I got my workout. I'm now feeling rather pleased with myself as I would normally have just accepted defeat and put off exercising until tomorrow. Wouldn't be much of a lifestyle change if I was so easily put off exercising, would it.

Also been for a walk this morning in the sunshine. I'm loving the sunshine, makes me feel so positive. I feel so positive I'm actually worried I might burst! :D

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Well hello teens....

long time no see! I lost 4.5lbs this week! Yay this puts me at 19st 12.5lbs - I actually weigh 19st something I cannot remember the last time my weight was in the teens!

I'm feeling so motivated its unreal, when people say 'something just clicked' I really get them now. It feels so different this time around and I'm hoping it lasts, the way I feel I actually see me getting to goal. I know it'll take time but I'm not so put off by the amount I have to lose.

I'm now 1lb away from my third silver seven and hoping to get that next week!

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

One tiny blip...

We went round to see my mother and father in law to be tonight, it was great to see them however I had a small mishap with the points side of things. I knew that we'd be having steak and jacket potato but I failed to expect a t-bone steak followed by mississippi mud pie, which of course I could have said no too!

So a few points over today but not disheartened by it, at the end of the day there are going to be times where food is out of my control and I just have except that. I had left nearly half my daily points for tonight so it wasn't like I'd planned to go over. Overall I'm quite proud of myself really, I mean there was a second helping of mud pie available - who can resist that?! Oh me - well new me anyway!

Feeling quite positive and weigh in is tomorrow so keeping my fingers crossed for a good loss. I'd love to lose 3.5lbs as that'd take me into the 19's but being realistic I'd just be happy with a loss. I'm loving that something has just clicked this time, it feels totally different to the previous times I've done weight watchers, I finally think I'm beginning to see the bigger picture and doing this as a lifestyle change not just a quick fix. This doesn't just feel like the intial motivation that wears off after time - here's hoping this lasts!

Sunday, 4 April 2010

Easter Sunday

I've never really got the big deal about Easter. I can understand it if your religious but why do the rest of us use it as an excuse to over indulge?!

So this year I have kept the excesses to a minimum and stayed within my points - shock shock horror! I really am in the right frame of mind at the moment. I have planned to have treats this weekend such as a chinese, a Mr Whippy ice cream, Sunday roast, a lindt bunny and a chinese. This has never happened before - what have they done with the real me! I never knew what a good feeling I could get from actually being able to say no and make the right choices. Is this what slim people do everyday - say no?

I'm hoping this really is a change for life not just a hop on the wagon to get off again when the weight is gone or I'm in a bad mood or when a large chocolate eclair calls to me. I'm even beginning to see that the weight isn't actully what I should be concentrating on. I should be concentrating on how much exercise I'm doing, what dress size I am and how many inches/cm's I've lost. The scales help reflect the overall goal but ultimatly its not about what the scales say its about being able to buy smaller clothes and feel fitter.

I'm only just coming round to this way of thinking as of last night. I was sat working out how much weight I could lose between now and September when my other half pointed out that I should be setting dress size and exercise goals. Its not all about the numbers.

Bring on the new positive, motivated, fitter, slimmer and overall happier me!

Friday, 2 April 2010

The first steps

I've just re-joined weight watchers after giving birth to my gorgeous son 6 months ago. I really feel like my head is in the right place for it this time and I seem to be making proper changes to my lifestyle. I've done weight watchers several times but never really made any lasting changes. I would usually just adapt my diet to include all the same rubbish just within my points. Weight watchers is all about not feeling restricted but healthy choices really are a must for long term success.
My motivating factor at the moment is that my Mum will be getting married in september. I'm so excited for her as I didn't think she'd ever marry again. Its nice to see her happy with someone as she really deserves it! Anyway I can't stand the thought of yet more cringe worthy photo's of me alot bigger than I want to be. This isn't just any wedding where I can put the photo's away never to see the light of day again. Also on the day we'll be sitting at the head table - all eyes on us! Not a nice thought when the only place I can shop for a dress is Evans! So the motivation is a size 20/22 dress from somewhere nice like Monsoon or Debenhams. I'm currently around a size 24/26 and to be honest haven't bought any new clothes since before I fell pregnant. Instead of buying new clothes at this size it is my goal to get on my way to a healthy weight.
I thought I might just be happy getting back down to the size I was in college so around a size 18, but I've never been one to shy away from a challenge. I'm setting my sights high and going for gold this time. I've set my goal weight for the time being at 11stone 4lbs which will be exactly 10stone loss. This might change nearer the time. There's so many reasons to do it this time, I'm not going to let that I've failed in the past dictate my success this time around.
The motivation is obviously paying off as at my first weigh on Wednesday I lost 5lbs. I've offically lost a 1st 1.5lbs since I first re-joined after my 6 week check. Only 9stone to go until my target! :)