Thursday, 27 May 2010


I am sooooo tired today. My little man woke me up so much last night and I feel totally exhusted today. Its so frustrating because the first thing to go is my will power and I just end up wanting to comfort eat. Its not even hunger its that urge to just say f*ck it and eat what I want because I think it'll make me feel better. However despite this niggling feeling all day I am currently within points with plenty left for dinner.

Not sure how the rest of the evening will play out but hoping logic will prevail and the comfort urges will go away. I keep reminding myself about my weight loss to date and how I know full well I would regret a blow out. I might think at this moment that I just don't care, but I do and it would catch up with me! I'm mainly writing this blog just as a distraction from food, just anything to keep me within points today.

Might see if I can get a quick nap when other half gets home and leave him with the oh so grumpy baby for a bit. Anyway nobody said being a Mummy was easy and even when he keeps me up all night one smile and all is forgiven. Still its no excuse to eat rubbish! Seriously need to get that through my head!

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Woohoo! Weigh in...

I hit my 10% and a just a tad more, like a whole 4.5lbs! I was so pleased with that as I not only hit my 10% but I'm only half a pound away from my 5th silver seven. It was however very embarrassing when my leader gave me my 10% keyring in front of the whole class and they clapped!

Anyway onwards to another good week and fingers crossed for at least a half pound loss!

Tuesday, 25 May 2010

Difficult day

So yesterday didn't go entirely to plan. I've been doing so well all week and yesterday night I ended up going over my points by a few! I haven't worked it out yet but I'm sure it was at least 10pts over. My weight watchers pedometer said I'd earnt 3 activity points but no where near enough to make up for it.

It was just a weird blip, I didn't go on a major binge I just found myself eating things even though a) I wasn't hungry and b) I didn't have the points. It kind of felt like I was doing it to rebel against having to count points, you know not having the ultimate freedom to eat what I want all day long. Logically I know points its such a flexible system that I can have a little of what I want and when I eat what I want all day long it tends to involve tons of rubbish which just make me put weight on. Grrrr its all just very annoying especially given that I've had such a fab week points and activity wise.

Ok so to make sure this stays as one blip and doesn't become an entire day... First I need to count what I had last night (which includes a kitkat chunky, why did I get that?? who knows) second thing is that I've had a brilliant week so if I beat myself up for one blip I'm just going to throw all my hard work away for no good reason. I mean we went for a three hour walk on Saturday which was a huge achievement for us as before we would have never even considered spending our weekend doing activity. I didn't have my pedometer at the time which was a shame but the online tracker worked out that I'd earnt 15 activity points, not sure how accurate that is but still!

Right its about naptime for Carson so going to use it as a chance to go out and do some walking. I'm going to try and walk for at least an hour and pull back a few of those points from yesterday!

Oh and I just worked out how much I was over by turns out it was 10.5 pts so not as bad as I'd thought and only 7.5pts with my activity points taken off.

Thursday, 20 May 2010

Weigh in & Inspiration

I lost 1lb at weigh in this week and I was very pleased with that as really wasn't sure what to expect. I've really got to get my act together as I've been rather lucky to lose and my luck is going to run out if I don't get back on track.

So to remind myself why I'm doing this here's my reasons for loing weight and why I'm going to get to goal....

  • I want to be healthy
  • I want to be fitter
  • I want another baby and I don't want to be plus size and pregnant again. It was horrid being treated as high risk despite having a very straight forward pregnancy and labour
  • I want to be able to buy nice clothes and shop in 'normal' shops
  • I don't want to have to worry about being to big for turnstiles, seatbelts, chairs and so on...
  • I want to be able to keep up with my son when he starts running round
  • I want people to see me for me not just as the fat girl, I don't want to be judged before people even give me a chance
  • I want to buy a much smaller wedding dress and get married when I'm slim not plus size
  • I want to feel confident and not feel the need to hide behind my weight
  • I don't want my son to be embarrassed by me when he grows up and goes to school

I'm going to get to goal this time because...

  • I will not give up
  • I'm looking at this as a lifestyle change not just a 'diet
  • I've started making activity part of my daily life
  • I'm making the effort to understand when my weak moments are and trying to find ways to cope with them that doesn't involve emotional eating
  • Shaun is doing weight watchers with me which makes it easier to stay on track
  • I will not label myself as a failure because of one gain
  • I'm trying not to make excuses to eat and track my points all of the time
  • We've tried cooking new things and actually eat nicer food now than before we were doing weight watchers
  • My head is in the right place and I'm going to keep it that way - I will not lose my weightloss mojo!!
So there's a few of the main reasons for doing this and a few of the reasons why I will get to goal. I just needed to remind myself so I can get my motivation back as its been slowly slipping away. I really want to have a good week as I'm so close to some of my mini goals (half a pound from my 10% and only 3 lbs away from being 18 stone something!)

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Self sabotage!

Whats with that, why the week after getting my 4th silver seven do I have a couple of bad days and then one really appauling day where I was just out to sabotage myself. I had all the tools to make the right choices I was even reminding myself I'd regret it and that I'm a mere 1.5lbs away from my 10%.Yet we still ordered a takeaway for dinner which included a rather fat ridden burger and chips. Its just silly and I feel awful because I took Shaun down with me.

For the most part this week hasn't been a complete write off and I've still done alot of walking so really not sure what will happen at the scales tonight, just have to wait and see I guess. I keep reminding myself that I'm still in much better place than ever before because before I'd have just accpeted that 'its just the way I am' and continue as if nothing had happened. Whereas today I'm trying to get to the bottom of what encouraged the behaviour in the first place.

One theory of mine is that I'm a very black and white thinker, with anxiety it kinda comes with the territory. I'm so all or nothing at times, which can be great when I'm into something I really put as much effort into it as possible. However sometimes all my effort all at once on everything I see as important - well you get the picture it can't be done. I just can't accept this and I struggle to be happy unless I feel like I'm in control of everything. So instead I resign myself to failure give up completely and tell myself I'm worthless anyway so why do I care. Its a really horrid cycle to be in. I wish I could just break things down into more managable chunks and accept that one blip, whether it be in relation to weightloss, housework, Carson's routine etc, does not mean I am an epic failure and that I shouldn't bother in the first place.

Thats the annoying thing about this whole cycle when I'm feeling like the rational and reasonable person that I am I can see logically how silly I'm being but try telling me that when I'm feeling down and I've convinced myself its better to not try at all than to try and fail.

(Hmm that train of thought was rather interrupted as I have a baby trying to eat my foot. Honestly strange child I really don't know what his interest in feet and shoes is all about lol. )

Anyway I guess thats my main issue, not Carson eating my foot, but that I need to be able to see blips for what they are just a blip not a complete failure. Giving up on the things I want because I had one moment of weakness won't get me anywhere in life.

Goodness me I really do have issues. At least I'm trying to address them rather than just convince myself that when I'm slim life will be perfect and I'll feel all better. It doesn't work like that and I know it. So instead of just dealing with the symptom (my weight) I'm going to deal with the problems that got me here in the first place, or try to at least.

Sorry that was such a long post but it really does help just to get it all down on here. It reminds me that I do have some sanity and its really helping keep me focused on losing weight and not throwing the towel in just because I had a bad day. :)

Wednesday, 12 May 2010

Weigh in!

Woohoo! I lost 4 lbs!! So pleased with myself as I've now got my 4th silver seven so 2 stone gone! I'm only 1.5lbs away from my 10% so aiming for that next week. Food wise I've had a couple of iffy days this week but did a ton of walking so it just proves the activity pays off - but I wasn't sure what to expect so a really lovely result.

Not feeling too good today due to a sore throat and headache. I'm rather limited on what I can take as well because of breastfeeding so decided on honey and lemon in hot water which was a worthwhile use of points and really helped. Hoping I'll feel better tomorrow I'm getting annoyed with these colds. Also hoping I don't completely lose my voice again as it feels very similar.

I'm totally loving ebay! I've made £47 just from selling some of my old clothes, some baby clothes that are too small for Carson and some clutter that was just laying around. We've then invested some back into getting 2 charms for my bracelet (one for reaching the 2 stone mark and a silver one that has 10-20 days shipping so hoping I'll have my 10% by then) and the first two seasons of x files. So all good!

Monday, 10 May 2010


I found a lovely place in our village to walk today. My Mum mentioned a few weeks ago that there's a path that runs alongside the minature railway that runs from a nearby town to a town a few miles away. So I went to check it out this morning with the intention of going for a 30 min to an hour walk, but ended up walking for 2 hours lol! I'm so impressed with this find the path runs for miles and because I need something pram friendly its great as its flat all the way of course. I'm lucky we have an awesome pram, a stroller wouldn't handle it. So according to my tracker based on my weight I earnt 10.5 activity points and my pedometer racked up 12,000 steps!
Not sure I'd manage to walk that amount everyday but at least I have a nice quiet place to walk with no traffic, apart from the odd minature steam train (they are so cute!).
This week has been going well apart from a small jaffa cake related blip last night. I seem to have pulled most of the points back and hoping to save another 3pts tomo as well you know just in case.

On Saturday we went to a baby rave that was part of the NN Festival. It was awesome and Carson loved it. He made a couple of baby friends, well he sat near them and tried to grab their faces but same thing really. Here's some photos...

Thursday, 6 May 2010

Weigh in result

Not so good this week I gained a pound. I'm not too worried though as its spurred me on to be positive again. I was actually quite pleased it was only a pound and not more.

I'm just gald I'm feeling motivated again today so hoping for a good week. Its great when I get a surge of motivation because it extends into my whole life. We went for a long walk yesterday night and tonight, I also did a load of spring cleaning today. I must remember how great it makes me feel, I actually end up with more energy and motivation than when I sit around.

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Another blah day and I've discovered ebay!

So lets crack on with the weight watchers business first....

I have been rubbish again today! I know I know I said I was going to track today but it just didn't happen. Now which excuse do you want first....? No seriously we had an awful nights sleep as my little man decided he was going to wake up ALOT! I felt like a human dummy last night and I'm suprised I have any milk left and that I don't look like some kind of prune (if you haven't read my other posts I breastfeed my baby boy). I'm just hoping its teething related and will soon pass.

Not to be put off I'm going to start afresh tomorrow as its a new week according the online tracker and I'm going to get my weight loss mojo back. As I said yesterday this is the point where in the past I would have messed about for a few weeks and eventually given up. Learning from the past I know to expect a gain tomorrow but instead of being put off I should use the disappointment to fuel a great week that will spur me on.

Ebay! I have discovered selling on ebay - I've listed 10 items today in an attempt to have a spring clean of our clutter. I got very excited when I looked and have 4 people watching some of my items lol! I haven't even got a bid yet but its still quite fun to see how much interest you have. I've got soooo much clutter I'm hoping to make a tidy bit of profit :)

P.s If anyone is interested my username on ebay is Rock_lobster87 and I'm selling a few size 24/26 bits and some baby boy clothes ranging to 6 months. I know its an appauling plug but hey this is my blog and I will do as I please :D

Monday, 3 May 2010

Rubbish day

In all respects really, except who I spent it with! We decided as its a bank holiday we'd go out somewhere as a family. Well I haven't been to Cambridge in years and considering its only an hour down the road we went there. Pfftt what a waste of time and money! I offically don't like Cambridge. Now I expected the traffic cause the road system in Cambridge is notorious but it was an all round pants day out.

It was about lunchtime and we hunted round we somewhere to eat and decided on Tapas (mainly cause we couldn't see many other places) well talk about overpriced and not good on points either. We ended up spending 2hrs in Cambridge, came home and went into Norwich city centre instead! I have never been more glad to see Norwich and appreciate the roads and tons of choice when it comes to places to eat and shop! I think were spoilt with our city so its always a disappointment when we go new places. Oh well we tried next time we'll stay closer to home!

My points are shot to pieces today due to lunch and a trip to tesco's resulting in a mini tub of Ben & Jerry's and half a bar of green & blacks. Now I'm going to do the awful thing of saying 'lets draw a line under it and move on' hahahaha - goodness I know how people hate that but blah! The thing is I thought about trying to save some tomorrow and do a load of walking but I know it won't work for me. If I try and save a load of points I will just end up carrying this binge on into tomorrow as well. So I have a choice... try and claw back points or admit I made a mistake and I'm better off just sticking to my daily allowence. I'm really looking foward to starting a new week on track - my motivaton has slipped the last two weeks and I've struggled. This is the point in my journey where in the past I have given up so if I can get through it and go on to have many more losses I'm already more successfull than I have ever been before on the weight loss front. So onward I go maybe not always the most direct route but as long as I'm heading in the right direction I'm happy. Wondering what the result will be this week loss, gain or sts???

Saturday, 1 May 2010

Wedding dress

I went wedding dress shopping with my Mum today for her wedding in September. She got a beautiful dress, not conventional at all but as this is her second wedding there's no need for her to wear a very bridal type dress. Made me kind of sad actually that'll I'll never wear my wedding dress.

Our wedding was planned a couple of years ago but due to finances it fell through. So I have all the stuff the dress, bridesmaid dresses, the rings, shoes, tiara and so on. However I got my dress when I was over 20stone and at this rate there's no way it'll fit. It can be taken in by 3 sizes but were not going to have the money for a wedding for a few years yet. In all honestly I'll probably have another baby before we get married now. Anyway back to the point, my dress is stunning I feel amazing when I put it on and it makes me sad that I probably won't be wearing it because I'll have lost too much weight for it (hopefully at goal for my wedding). How silly is that I'm sad that'll I'll have lost loads of weight!

I keep reminding myself that there are tons of dress shops and I can try on loads of dresses. There's not just one dress out there for me right? And lets face it I'd rather be slim than wear my dress. At least then I'll always look back at the photos and think how great I looked and not be sad because I was a fat bride!

On a general note: I don't know whats been up with me this week my mood has been all over the place. I was throughly depressed yesterday. I hate those moods they last all day and when people ask me whats wrong I honestly don't have an answer. I'm hoping its just a one off cause I like being happy most of the time, it makes a nice change for me.

Weight watchers wise I've been fine this week just need to get a bit more activity this weekend and watch out for my parents in law (to be) tomorrow as were going round their house again. They've said were ordering a chinese so mushroom chow mein and pineapple chicken for me! Ha I will stay within my points!

Bring on a 2lb loss please please please I reeeeeeeeally want my 4 th silver seven!!