Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Week 1 Weigh in

I lost 8lbs! Seriously happy with that! I'm fully aware that's alot and not going to happen every week but still mega happy. Feels like I really worked for it with all the exercise I've done but haven't had to go hungry! 

Going to hold on to this motivated feeling, loving how positive I am at the moment and its starting to influence other areas of my life. I've been so motivated I've even been doing alot more housework so my house is benefiting! My kitchen hasn't been this clean in weeks! 

Bring on week 2! 

Friday, 22 June 2012

Making the effort

I've stuck to my points, walked over 12,000 steps and did 45 minutes of swimming today!

In  nutshell a good day and still feeling very positive! I'm so committed to making the changes I just want this feeing to stay with me and see me through the low points.

My biggest fear about the weight loss is that I'll stick to this all week, exercise and put in loads of effort only to find I've not lost weight! That would be so demoralising and I don't know why I'm worrying that I won't. I guess part of it is that I didn't do so well on pro-points last time and I think I'm still missing the old points system.

I'm mainly missing it because that's the plan I lost weight on last time and so I'm somewhat sceptical of pro-points. At the end of the day though I eating better and being active so regardless of what plan I'm following I am doing what's needed to lose weight. Just hope I prove to myself that I can do it and I'm just being a little irrational.

Its all good and looking forward to the scales next Wednesday!

Thursday, 21 June 2012

I've rejoined weight watchers

As the title says I've re-joined weight watchers and went to my first meeting last night. I decided to take the plunge and give pro-points one more go as I was just messing about trying to do it at home. I love ww but didn't get on so well with pro-points as I preferred the old points system. I just missed the meetings and having someone to weigh me every week and be accountable to. It was a meeting ran by a leader who's meetings I went to over 3 years ago. It was so nice, her meetings are so much more informal than the last ones I went to and made me feel really comfortable. Everyone was very friendly and it felt great to be back and around people who understand and are supportive. 

It was my first day today and I've had a fantastic day. I've really enjoyed eating healthy food again and found  it fairly easy to stay within my points. I was even able to have a ww cheesecake and a mini crunchie after dinner. I've done enough steps to earn 4 activity points too. All in all a great day and feeling so positive.

Reading all the posts on the 5+ stone to lose message boards on ww's website has been really motivating too. Seeing the losses people have achieved on there reminds me that this is possible. Its not some unattainable dream. It just takes commitment and effort to change for good and get this weight off.

It feels so great to be motivated again! Long may it continue!!

Monday, 11 June 2012

If I don't try

If I don't try I will never succeed!

I'm scared of trying to lose weight because I feel like I'll fail (again!). I feel like I've failed so many times, considering I'm still the size I am, that I'm almost at the point of accepting defeat. But how boring is that! I'm not committing myself to being fat forever, to having a life of health problems and regrets. Sod that!

So here we go again! I refuse to give up on my dream of being slimmer, fitter and therefore happier. I refuse to just accept that I am doomed to be this weight or heavier for the rest of my life. I would rather try millions of times than give up even with the smallest chance of success.

Ultimately I am in control of my own destiny in this area of my life. I can choose to eat better. I can choose to make the effort to exercise. I can choose to leave my failures in the past and realise that my past failures have no affect on my ability to be successful now! I can commit to making these choices, to change my mindset and realise my dream of being happy in my own skin.

By learning control around food I will give myself freedom. Freedom from being held back by my size. So put simply I am going to commit to 100 days of sticking to my plan. I am going to push myself to exercise regularly. I am going to have hope that I can do it!

Thursday, 7 June 2012

2010 blog post's

I just sat and read a load of my old blog post's from 2010 when I lost nearly 4 stone. I was wondering what was different back then, what made me want to change and how did I see it through? Well it was eye opening and quite nice to think how much things have changed.

One of the things that hasn't helped is weight watchers changing to pro-points as I just don't like the plan as much now as I did back then. However the main difference was how positive and motivated I was. I was just full of ways to overcome my problems instead of getting bogged down on how hard everything is.

Aim of today - go get some more shopping and plenty of healthy foods and decide what plan I want to follow. Do I want to give weight watchers another go? or continue with calorie counting using boots online? I need to get myself motivated and excitied about making changes, not scared of failing!

Its so hard...

... to make the decision to change and see it through.

Its been a difficult couple of months. Around the end of April I got pneumonia and I spent nearly an entire week in bed as I literally couldn't move without losing my breath, I cannot remember a time when I felt so ill. Its taken me another 3/4 weeks to fully recover and in that that time I've gained 11lbs and not done any form of exercise above my daily activities. We've also had problems with our youngest who has started having reflex seizures which can be really scary when it happens. Our car decided to flake out on us this week too and its been a big battle over whether its covered under warranty. Basically we've had quite a run of bad luck and during all of this I have lost all motivation to lose weight and gone back to my old habits.
Obviously I didn't have to go right back to eating the way I was but I did and now I find myself right back at square one. Having to start over and lacking the motivation to do it! The other point that is bothering me is that I would like another baby in the near future but I don't want to be this size and pregnant (again). Having two kids and being pregnant will be taxing enough let alone carrying twice the weight I'm supposed to for my height. I really want to be slimmer and fitter before putting my body through another pregnancy. All of this leads me to a point where I feel I have to start losing weight, which for some reason just makes me more reluctant?! Feeling like I have to take control makes me want to binge even more because in my heart I feel I will never succeed at losing weight. I almost don't want to try because I feel it'll end in failure like every other attempt at changing my lifestyle.
I just don't want my kids to be affected by my weight and of course it already is starting to affect the things I can and can't do. Soon their going to want to go to theme parks and I'd love to take them to disney world, but there's just no way I could go at this size. Not only that my energy levels are awful and I'm struggling to look after two young kids and keep up with the housework. I know most Mum's have the juggle of kids, housework, relationship/s and all the other commitments in life but I feel like if I was fitter maybe keeping on top of things wouldn't be such a drain on me and running round with the kids would fun rather than tiring. I don't want their childhood's to be restricted by my weight and they are much more likely to have a weight problem themselves if I don't get this sorted. We have such terrible food in the house when I'm not trying to lose weight and our motivation to cook goes out the window so we turn to takeaways and processed food. The more they are exposed to this kind of food and come to think eating large amounts of junk food is normal the more likely they are to pick up these habits and face the same issues as me. I want them to experience an active lifestyle and healthy foods. I want them to understand that certain foods can be enjoyed in moderation and to have a 'normal' attitude to food.

What can I say its the same stuff just a different day. I do wonder if I'll ever get this sorted or am I going to be big for the rest of my life? When will it be the 'right' time if not now? I can't just keep waiting around hoping I get the sudden urge to change. I need to start seeing the daily battles and seeing that I can overcome them to slowly change my lifestyle. I need to start solving the problems instead of dwelling on them. Life is good at the moment, some things have gone wrong but overall things are good and I can't keep using food (and money) to comfort me. I need to figure out ways of actually dealing with my emotions, they are not to be feared and I don't need to dramatise everything. I can't keep letting my emotions take control.

This is what it comes down to, that this has got zero to do with food. My weight problem is about my control issues and my problems dealing with my emotions. I learnt the wrong outlets for my emotions and the biggest changes I can make will not be to my diet and exercise but to the ways I deal with my own thoughts and feelings!