Oh *bleep*!

Forgive me if I don't blog for a little while. We are currently moving house and only had a weeks notice of this arrgghh! Moved in with my parents in law for a short time and have to have our house clear by friday. Also other half started a new job in London last week and is now having to work away during the week.

As you can imgine the healthy eating has gone a bit haywire! I'm feeling it though I've had heartburn this week for the first time in months!!

My major problem is my father in law likes to cook rich unhealthy food and considering their putting us up and buying all our food for a minimal rent, I feel I can't really say anything just yet. My intention is to start changing things and offer to cook etc. I am determined not to put all the weight I've lost back on as I feel so much better these days! So to combat these rich evening meals I've cut right down on what I'm eating in the daytime. Hopefully I get get some kind of balance which doesn't result in a huge gain??

So basically everything is up in the air I can hardly think straight but am going to try my best to keep control. This is where it reallys shows me if I've actually changed my lifestyle or just been on a diet for the last few months. Make or break me thinks!!! Wish me luck cause I bloody need it!!

Struggling

What a difference a week makes. This time last week it was all so easy, I was actually finding myself eating under my points with out even meaning to. I also found it so easy to avoid all the rubbish on offer at the bbq last weekend.

Why then am I finding it so hard this week. This is now my third day where I'm going to go over my points. I had chips from the chip shop for lunch followed by a cornetto ice cream. Along with all the other stuff I've eaten today I have 4 points left for the day! Its like I want to fail sometimes! I just don't know why I'm finding it so hard today I just want to eat and eat. Its not even that I'm craving rubbish food I'm craving the binge feeling.

I guess I am feeling rather depressed about this whole situation. Nothing has changed on the job front and its so hard to remain positive when nothing seems to be changing. I know it could take just one phone call and a contract will be arranged and started before I even know it but waiting for the shred of hope takes it out of me. I don't want to use this as an excuse to eat and go off the rails. I realise that I can't have control of most things at the moment but my weight and food is something I can keep control of. I also know it'll make feel better to feel like I'm achieving something not just letting everything go.

*Sigh* life is hard work at times isn't it! Oh well life goes on and the least I can do is not go mad for the rest of the day and get it back on track tomorrow for the rest of the week.

Weigh in

I lost 3lbs this week and very pleased with that. So 4lbs away from my next silver seven, 2lb away from being under 18st but better than that I have less than 100lbs to lose to get to goal! I know it still a huge amount to lose but its noticing the little things like this that spur me on.

I still can't get my head round the fact that I've lost over 3st. Maybe one day soon it'll click that I'm slimmer because right now I still feel like I weigh nearly 22st! However the life style changes we've made still shock me on a daily basis. I honestly can't get over how my relatonship with food has changed.

On the C25K front I managed day 2 of week 2 yesterday and, can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm loving it! I'm actually enjoying going out and doing exercise.

To another good week and hopefully another good loss :)

Sabotage

I avoided my fil's attempts at sabotage. Today I was presented with a lunch of BBQ food of which I only had a limited choice what was put on my plate. I ate chicken, jacket potato, 1 sausage and loads of salad. I left another sausage and a burger with cheese. I was then given dessert, even though I wasn't asked if I wanted any, which was drowned in cream with ice cream and was a gateau of some variety. I ate about 2 spoonfuls made my excuses and left the rest (of what I ate I picked out as much of what appeared to be fruit and avoided the cake and cream!) So rather proud of my efforts to avoid said sabotage.

That might seem like I restricted myself but its not restriction if you don't enjoy the food! I don't even enjoy fatty burgers and sausages anymore it just makes me ill. The dessert I didn't even want because I was genuinely full and really resented not being given a choice in the matter.

C25k is going brilliantly. I managed to do day one of week two today so was really pleased with myself. i really wasn't sure when I started this that I was even going to be able to complete a session let alone have done week one successfully and moved onto week two. I'm also really shocked at how much I enjoy doing it. The sense of achievement is just amazing. I guess it shocks me because I was almost scared of exercise and had a belief that I'd never be one of these people who could enjoy exercise and possibly even become good at it. The thought of not only being slimmer but fit and healthy... well its more than I'd hoped for. Its always nice when you surprise yourself!

I'm so glad I have my motivation back and I'm going to take advantage of it while it lasts. Hoping for a good loss this week :D

Much better than expected!

So as per my previous post I went to weigh in fully expecting a gain and... I lost a 1lb! Woohoo!

Maybe the exercise had something to do with it, maybe its because I really have changed my habits and excessive these days is nothing in comparison to before, maybe I was just a lucky so and so, who knows?!

However it means I've lost 3STONE!!!! I am so chuffed with that its unreal! I don't think I've ever successfully lost this much weight and in a reasonable amount of time. I truly believe I will do it this time!

No messing around this week full steam ahead to another loss!

Proud

I'm feeling rather proud of myself today.

I've been off track for about a week and a half now. I tried to pull it back this week but it just didn't happen. I very nearly got there on Sunday but had a meal out where it all just went wrong again. However the two reasons I'm proud of myself is a) I have tracked today and currently have 3 pts left b) I've done the first 2 days of couch to 5k this week.

It would have been so easy to wait until after weigh day before trying to get back on track but I'm fairly certain I'm going to gain tomorrow. A gain will do one of two things it'll either spur me on to try harder or I'll be really disappointed and have yet another bad week. So to avoid the very expected gain throwing me off track I thought if I get back on track for today and tomorrow I stand a much better chance of pulling it back.

I'm proud that my first huge blip lasting more than one or two days hasn't resulted in me completely giving up. For once I can actually see that we all make mistakes, the old eating habits are very easy to go back to and I've only failed if I give up and admit defeat!

Couch to 5k - what came over me on Sunday morning at 7am I do not know! I hadn't plan to start it or anything but having been woken up by our son I just decided his daddy could look after him and I'd go for a jog! (I don't think I've been able to say that I went for a 'jog' in years!) So by 8am on Sunday after digging out all my gym clothes I did the first day of C25K. I then did the second day this morning. I'm mega proud of myself, I've always loathed jogging and found reasons not to even attempt it. To be able to complete a session was such a shock to me and then to go on to do it again, well maybe I can get to the point where I can jog 5k??! Is this the path to self belief I wonder...??

So all in all a pants week food wise but some huge achievements which in the long run prove I CAN do this. I will probably gain this week but I really feel like in the long run this will only help my journey! Ever the optimist.... :D

Okay....

The back to basics week didn't go according to plan. In fact I had my worst week to date. Oddly I only gained half a pound but my eating was not good. I also didn't track most of the week which is the first time I've not tracked for so long. Not all my habits returned but it was the first week that wasn't just a blip but a slip back into some of my old eating patterns.

I've then found it difficult to motivate myself to get back on track. Its not with out reason (well excuses) we had some rather bad news this week regarding my other half and his job. Basically he now doesn't have a job and were considering our legal rights due to a breech of contract. All fun! So in about 3 weeks we will have run out of money.... hmmm not quite sure how were going to fix it all but I'll sure we'll get there.

I know its only an excuse because no matter what life throws at me I should try and keep control of at least my eating. I cried today because I just felt so out of control of everything and after watching that big meet bigger on BBC tonight I've decided its not on.

Getting back on track will be hard but the feeling of achievement and control out weighs how hard losing weight is. So no setting goals this week because that obviously doesn't work for me. Instead I'm just going to try my best to get myself back on track. At the end of the day I've still lost 41lbs how can I be sad about that. If I allow myself to think of myself as a failure and give up I'll put it all back on and feel 10 times worse.

So big kick up the butt for me and take it one meal at a time. Also start tracking again!!!