Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Having a picky day & 4. Stop worshipping thin...

... and love the skin your in.
"Its hardly a revelation to note that as a society we are obsessed to the point of distraction by thin - associating it, as a recent survey found, with success. By the tender age of 6 , most girls are dissatisfied with their bodies and want to be thinner..."
The starting paragraph of this section and it couldn't be more true. I remember feeling fat in primary school at around the age of 5 or 6. Since then I have always felt fat and high school only encouraged this belief. I mean don't get me wrong I was never a stick but there was a time in my early teens when I wore a size 10 (and thought I was huge!). I guess I had a growth spurt early and so was quite tall in primary school, I then levelled out to be a respectable 5ft 7 and instead I became obsessed about my weight growing larger outwards every year. By the time I left high school I was nearing 15stone.
I first joined weight watchers when I was only 15 and it was no where near the first diet I'd been on. I remember taking slim fast cans to school for lunch when I was what 13/14years old. Now I look back and feel like such a fool. To be a size 18 again would be wonderful, I look back on photos from college and school with envy. My prom photos I looked fantastic but didn't really believe it at the time (me at my college prom 17yrs old).
So what I'm going to remember is that I'm doing something about it now and I don't ever want to be any bigger. However instead of beating myself up about how big I've let myself get I should appreciate who I am now. I don't want to be looking back in 5-10yrs thinking I wish I was a size 24 now. I'm going to make sure that doesn;t happen but I think one of things to help that is to appreciate what I have right now.

I can still move around fine, I'm actually not too unfit for my size, I did my gold duke of edinburgh award when I weighed 15stone and it was hard but no one thought I would cope with all the walking and I did, now just to prove everyone wrong regarding losing weight (including myself) . I can do it and I am not worthless. I do like parts of my body, for instance I'm rather fond of my bottom and my legs are nice too, so no more hating!
Well that all looks good on paper/screen lets see if I can actually start believing it!

Anyway onto today, its weigh in tonight and I'm looking forward to it. For some reason though I'm having a really picky day. I'm still within points at the moment and have enough left for dinner but no more snacks. I normally leave around 12points for the evening but today I've only got 6.5points left. Not sure whats wrong with me but need to make sure this doesn't become a full on binge! So I'm putting a stop to it now - if I got 1-2 points over in order to have a snack thats fine but no going mad. I know I'll feel better for sticking as close to my points as possible and if I binge I'll only regret it. Hoping blogging will nip this snacking in the bud!

Oh and here's a few more school days photos to remind me what I had and never appreciated and what I can have again one day soon!

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