Monday, 23 May 2011

I have to change!

I just watched a show on bbc1 about the super size ambulance, basically following people who need a specialist ambulance to get them to hospital as they don't fit in normal ones. It has scared the living daylights out of me and I need to get serious about losing weight again.

I gave birth to Dexter 4 weeks ago and although I know I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself I know in my heart I can do it and I'm just making excuses. Our wedding is too close for me to be messing about and more importantly my health is going to suffer. Watching that show reminded me there's so much more at stake than just the vanity side of it, if I don't get this sorted out now while I'm young its going to make me ill. So here goes a chance to remind myself of all the reasons I need to lose weight:
  1. For me - I know I will never feel good about myself while I'm this big, I can't lie to myself I'm NOT happy being this big and is food really that important to me that I'd rather be miserable in order to eat whatever I want.
  2. For my family - if I don't get it sorted it will eventually effect my health. I want to be able to run round with my kids, I don't want them to be ashamed of me, I don't want to be the fat Mum at the school gates, I don't ever want to be a burden to them, I don't want my eating habits to become their eating habits or for them to inherit my confidence issues, I want to feel sexy for my partner he loves me as I am but I don't feel in the least bit sexy
  3. Health - I never want to be sat in a hospital in pain or having a dr explain about a massive operation that I only need because I let myself get this way. I never want it to mean I can't walk or care for myself. I don't want to end up with one of the many health problems ... diabetes, heart problems, breathing problems, sleep apnoea, hernias, water retention in legs and so on and so on!!! I don't ever want to sit there feeling stupid and full of regret because I had a chance to change and didn't!
  4. Vanity reasons - wedding, clothes shopping, showing off my weight loss to friends and family, feeling good about myself when meeting new people
  5. Food is nothing - life is more important. It is just fuel for me to live my life, it is not an emotional crutch, it is not happiness, it is not comfort, it is not love, it will never compare with being happy, enjoying life and being happy in my own skin.
I need to change and I need to change now. No one is going to do it for me. I can sit here saying 'I'm not in the right frame of mind' or 'I don't want to put too much pressure on myself' but its just excuses and I know it. I need to be strong and remember all the reasons why I want to change.

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