Stupid cold

I have a stinking cold and have lost my voice, so not impressed! Despite a stinker of a cold I've managed to stay on track but haven't done much in the way of exercise so will be interested to see what kind of loss I get this week. Also we've had a couple of pointed take always which still makes me feel like I've cheated even though it was all counted.

Feeling a little stressed out just lately as the wedding seems to be coming round so quick and I still have loads to do for it!! Kind of makes me a little sad that I'll be big when we get married but you can't put your life on hold just to lose weight. A wedding is just a day and weight loss will matter long after that single day.

Just lately I keep thinking how nice it will be to shop in normal clothes shops. I'm so sick of clothes shopping but have to find an outfit for 6th August as our wedding photographer is doing a family photo shoot for us. Kind of nervous as I just think I'm going to hate the photo's of me and really want to buy a flattering outfit but haven't got a clue where to start! Will have a look today but not holding out much hope! Wish me luck on finding clothes that don't look like a material bin bag on me!!

How time flies

Can't believe it was May when I last posted on here! Its now July and a mere 10 weeks until we get married. I'm no lighter than I was, well in fact I'm a pound heavier, oops! It hasn't been easy getting back on track and I've found myself binging alot of the last few weeks. Having 2 small children is rather stressful and I've been turning to food to cope with it all. I'm not blaming them mind or trying to use it as an excuse its just what I've been doing.

During all this I've been trying to get on track with pro points and not doing so well. I think a turning point has been my Mum coming round to help me get my house in order. She cleaned all my downstairs, our bathroom, took the majority of our washing which she washed and ironed for us! Its really given me a kick start in all areas of my life. Its amazing how out of control I felt because our house was such a mess and it was starting to become a struggle to find clean clothes. I'm not a neat freak or anything but it was getting to an embarrassing state. Since she did that on Monday I have found my motivation for so many things, weight watchers included. So basically I'm back on track and loving it.

Another massive help is that my other half has also decided to start properly pointing as well. He's even joined the meeting too, though not sure how helpful it'll be for us as my leader has been less than supportive over these rocky weeks. I'm pretty sure that last year when I lost a decent amount of weight my key to success was the support at home. Having someone cook healthy meals for me and point along with me is such a huge help.

One other rather embarrassing thing happened at the weekend. I was waiting for our regular Chinese takeaway when a friend of the rather skinny woman next to me came in. They started talking during which our order was brought through. The woman next to me said "That must be ours it looks like a 5 person order". Well of course as soon as she said it I knew it'd be ours and sure enough it was! It was just shameful having to claim the '5 person Chinese'. Especially given the look the skinny woman's friend gave her. It was that kind of judging think's she knows just what I'm like kind of look. It was just yet another example of the judgements people make. She didn't know I wasn't also ordering for 4-5 people but based purely of my size she just assumed it wasn't. Shamefully she was right! I just can't deal with that any more I can no longer put up with those knowing looks people give each other when the fat girl is eating, like they know exactly how I got here.

Of course this kind of thing is just one of many reason's why I want to do this and actually get to goal. The most important one is just purely for myself and more importantly my health.

Since Monday I've been on track and also managed to get to the gym 3 times this week. I'm aching today from going to the gym 2 days in a row but it feels good. It makes me feel like I've done something and that I'm on the road to getting fitter. Generally I'm feeling rather positive and I want it to continue.

Looking forward to each day on track and hopefully a good weight loss next week!

I have to change!

I just watched a show on bbc1 about the super size ambulance, basically following people who need a specialist ambulance to get them to hospital as they don't fit in normal ones. It has scared the living daylights out of me and I need to get serious about losing weight again.

I gave birth to Dexter 4 weeks ago and although I know I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself I know in my heart I can do it and I'm just making excuses. Our wedding is too close for me to be messing about and more importantly my health is going to suffer. Watching that show reminded me there's so much more at stake than just the vanity side of it, if I don't get this sorted out now while I'm young its going to make me ill. So here goes a chance to remind myself of all the reasons I need to lose weight:

1. For me - I know I will never feel good about myself while I'm this big, I can't lie to myself I'm NOT happy being this big and is food really that important to me that I'd rather be miserable in order to eat whatever I want.
2. For my family - if I don't get it sorted it will eventually effect my health. I want to be able to run round with my kids, I don't want them to be ashamed of me, I don't want to be the fat Mum at the school gates, I don't ever want to be a burden to them, I don't want my eating habits to become their eating habits or for them to inherit my confidence issues, I want to feel sexy for my partner he loves me as I am but I don't feel in the least bit sexy
3. Health - I never want to be sat in a hospital in pain or having a dr explain about a massive operation that I only need because I let myself get this way. I never want it to mean I can't walk or care for myself. I don't want to end up with one of the many health problems ... diabetes, heart problems, breathing problems, sleep apnoea, hernias, water retention in legs and so on and so on!!! I don't ever want to sit there feeling stupid and full of regret because I had a chance to change and didn't!
4. Vanity reasons - wedding, clothes shopping, showing off my weight loss to friends and family, feeling good about myself when meeting new people
5. Food is nothing - life is more important. It is just fuel for me to live my life, it is not an emotional crutch, it is not happiness, it is not comfort, it is not love, it will never compare with being happy, enjoying life and being happy in my own skin.

I need to change and I need to change now. No one is going to do it for me. I can sit here saying 'I'm not in the right frame of mind' or 'I don't want to put too much pressure on myself' but its just excuses and I know it. I need to be strong and remember all the reasons why I want to change.

Its been a while

Well its been about 10 months since I last posted and ALOT has changed! I'm due with our second baby on Tuesday and currently feeling very pregnant and very fed up! We've also got the job thing back on track to the point that money is actually comfortable these days. Were living in a lovely house with our second little baby on the way and we've got our wedding booked for September this year, it just seems everything has fallen into place since when I last posted. Now the only thing that I feel the need to put right is my weight then things really will be going great.

Obviously I had to stop weight watchers while pregnant and I have to say some of the old habits have crept back in. I do still feel some of the changes I made have stuck and haven't completely gone back to the old ways. I'm very much looking forward to getting back on weight watchers which is why I decided to revisit my blog and maybe start to post again.

I appreciate trying to get back on plan immediately after baby is born is probably a little short sighted of me and will just lead to alot of stress so need to plan this properly. I keep thinking I might sign up online not long after baby is born to get the hang of things again then return to meetings when he is a little bit older. All I know is April to September isn't a huge amount of time and I don't want to waste the time between now and then eating rubbish. I know I want to start losing weight again so why not give a really big push in time for our wedding. I also need a chance to get my head around the new pro points system.

I do feel a little nuts I'm mega heavily pregnant and thinking about getting back on plan already - I must be nuts!! Guess I'll just have to see how I feel after I've given birth again and life with a newborn and a 18 month old toddler has begun! Whole new chapter of our life is about to begin lets hope it includes me being slimmer too!